Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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