how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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