Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
