The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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