would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
