i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
