I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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