just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
