I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
