you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
vagina is talking i cant
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
