I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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