Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
