then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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