Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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