i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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