I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sext me about skeletons
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
