We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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