We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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