Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Congratulations! We have a period
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
