Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
