Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
