So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
