If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize