forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
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I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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