you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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