There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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