I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
