and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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