so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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