She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
