Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
