I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
