Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
