Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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