i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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