Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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