yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
