So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize