Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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