I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
