Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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