my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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