Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
