uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
