he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
