its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
