At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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