He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
