i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
