there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
