she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
