brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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