I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
