The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
