i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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