I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
