this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
