I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
